This goes out to the guy driving that gaudy Vios along Marcos Highway yesterday. You car doesn’t look cool, you look like a pimp and you drive like an ass. It’s already one thing to blind us with that atrocious looking car but to endanger our lives on an already-detestable stretch of road is another.

Underneath that electric Kool-Aid paint job, those tribal decals, side skirts, manyak tints, huge rims, low profile wheels, it’s still a bleeping Vios – a car designed for quarter-life, middle-class dads who drive it to work daily and then take the wife and kid to churches and malls on Sundays.

And judging by how you slapped on all of that Banawe shit on your vehicle and drove around with your left arm dangling outside with a cigarette tucked in between your stubby fingers,  and cut every car on the road, you probably have a shitty call center job, a fat wife who can’t bang you for shit and a retarded kid. Oh yes.

Judging by your acceleration and engine noise, you’re still driving it all stock underneath too. Ever occurred to you that all of those cheapo body panels add weight and on a stock car, those make it slower. What are you? Five? Believing that a flame decal makes anything faster? I could’ve caught you in my pudgy all-stock Hyundai had I decided to put my foot down.

I really don’t care if people pimp their rides. If that gets them enough wood to feel like better men, so be it. It’s just that if you drive a cheaply pimped-out car and drive like a douchebag, I have no sympathy for you.